Black Boy

I am listening to Richard Wright's, Black Boy on audiobook for the 2nd time. I think it is a piece of American literature that everyone should read at least once. It is an insight into the mind of an African American man that is unmatched. The chronicling of the realities of black life, the psychological dysfunction created by a world that has taught you that you are hopelessly inadequate, the troubling knowledge that you are one in a long line of those grappling with a reality that is far from what you hope for, and far less than you could ever accept. As I listen to Richard Wright's struggle with bending his humanity to fit into a space that cannot be occupied by the expanse of his personal hopes and dreams... I feel at one with him, and in this identification I also have a feeling of emptiness. A feeling of inadequacy, of being less than, and this... This is what compels me to continue forward.

As Wright dialogues on the his interactions with whites in the south in the late 1920's, and his internal struggles with simply wanting to be treated like he was a human being, and not having to play the part of a simpleton in order to avoid upsetting whites... its obvious why there is so much black on black violence. Being stripped of one's manhood, and having only one place where aggression is accepted, gives one but a single outlet and often leads one to act out in ways that are self destructive... ...I recall a verse from a hip hop recording called, Getaway,

9 out of 10 are black on black crimes, 4 out of 9 are killed before their time, the other 5 wanted vengeance, so now 5 out of 5 are doing a jail sentence. Ask me I've been through it, so when I reach for the top, I'll say the ghetto made me do it. I know how to strive, born and raised in the ghetto, so you know I can survive.

Has an heir of hopelessness, but ends with hope...

I once heard someone say, I think it was Anderson Cooper, that

Hope is not a plan

And while this may be true, hope gives birth to faith and faith is the substance that drives one forward even when one is unsure of what the future holds... "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen..." Faith is what drives me even when I feel like, as Richard Wright says, "this is not a civilization... its a culture, and you have to figure out a way to navigate it... as he struggled to learn... to force himself to behave in ways that seemed to defy his personhood..." Faith pushes me forward... Faith gives me a reason to rise in the morning... Faith...

Studying racism, listening to Wright, and living are like a BIG collision for me!

I'm glad that I have learned to respond to something greater than my humanity... something that binds humankind together regardless of how we "act" out our roles in society.